“It’s beyond my control …” John Malkovich, Dangerous Liaisons

The hardest thing I’ve done over the past year is to accept that I have no control over many of the elements of my life, especially PEOPLE.

This acceptance appears to be an ongoing process, because as many times as I see the light, so to speak, I often end up talking myself into believing that maybe just this one time I can control the outcome… which these days doesn’t work out so well for me. Check out also this TEDx Rainier video about self-control:

I don’t remember all the details about Dangerous Liaisons – but I remember it being a movie about sex, love, and control gone awry. I saw it when I was around 20 and I was floored by a scene where John Malkovich said over and over again “It’s beyond my control.”

On one hand it totally turned me on, and on the other hand, it pissed me off – OF COURSE you have control over this, you moron! Can’t you see you’re killing that poor woman (with whom I could totally relate with at the time)?? More than the context in which he said it, I was moved by the almost visible, tangible battle being waged inside him between needing to control his external circumstances and surrendering to the reality that he simply could not do it.