viooyjf0About two or three years ago, I discovered a podcast on iTunes on the subject of mental illness called Mental Illness Happy Hour. I was immediately hooked. Here was a forum where people could talk freely about the darkness in their heads… and it was okay… and it was coming from real people.

This podcast became a huge aid in my healing process. I would listen every week as I would make the hour drive up to San Francisco for my weekly therapy appointment and it would trigger so many thoughts and feelings that I would then I would then discuss with my therapist.

Around August of last year, I had the opportunity to drive down to LA and meet Paul. I was in a really weird space. My body was in mid-revolt, I recently had gone off of Lexapro, and I just had the realization in therapy that I hated my parents. Needless to say, I was emotional.

Paul was so awesome, genuine, caring and welcoming. We did the interview, I went back to my hotel room, and slept for four hours. The next day, I drove home and went back to my life, and picked up my studying again.

As time wore on, I had developed so many insecurities about the interview that I was okay if it never aired. Did I sound okay? Did I make sense? I should have said this. I should not have mentioned that. Can people tell that I’m crying?

Then this past Wednesday, as I was lying in bed, I decide to check my email before I went to sleep, which is a really bad habit that I have to break. There was Paul’s email… I was going live on Friday. I sat up and screamed as I felt a wave of emotions and insecurities come over me again. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

Friday came and there it was. My picture and name was on the website. At first, I wasn’t even going to listen to it, but then I decided that I was being ridiculous. It was so surreal listening to myself. Was that really me? Is that what I sound like? I ended up listening to it twice. The first time I was just absorbing everything that was happening. The second time, I analyzed everything thing I said… and everything was okay.

Since the interview aired. I’ve received such overwhelming support from friends, family and strangers.

Thank you everyone:-)

Here is the link to the interview. I encourage you to check out the forums and listen to the other interviews. You will learn so much.

http://mentalpod.com/Tracy-Irvine-podcast