images-81I’ve been feeling a bit depressed for a few days now. The only thing that has changed was my interview going live last Friday… Or it could be PMS…

Either way, I’m a big fat ball of emotions right now and when I get this way I don’t want to work, or talk, or socialize or breathe.

A part of me wants to call my therapist, who is away for the next two weeks (talk about timing, huh?) and the other part of me wants to try to deal with this on my own. She isn’t going to be around forever, so I need to learn how to deal with this stuff without her…

I didn’t even want to go to UJam tonight and that’s huge!! I love UJam. I live for UJam. The thought of going made me want to sit on my couch with a tub of popcorn in protest. The only reason I went was because I had to go to the store to get coconut oil for some brownies that I am making for a party tomorrow. The supermarket is right next to the gym, so I decided to go to an early class in order to get home at a decent hour to do my chores.

That’s another thing. For the past few weeks, I feel like my life is one big checklist. I’m so overwhelmed…

  • Wake up – Check
  • Stretch – Check
  • Go to work – Check
  • Workout – Check
  • Stretch – Check
  • Make Dinner – Check
  • Clean up – Check
  • Ice my foot – Check
  • Do coaching homework – Check
  • Check email – Check
  • Write – Check
  • Fix printer – Check
  • Make brownies – Check
  • Pay bills – Check

Next thing I know, it’s time for bed. Then I wake up the next day, wash, rinse and repeat.

And these days it seems like everything I touch takes forever to get completed. I’ve been trying to change my car insurance provider for the past week as well as ensure my cats are set up for their stay-cation the end of this month (My building is getting termite bombed… which is a whole other story). It’s taken DAYS and things are still not settled. DAYS…

And my health… sigh… don’t even get me started about my health. More pills, more blood tests, more appointments, more dietary restrictions, more things to think about every moment of every freaking day. Oh, did I mention that I had a bad reaction to some food that I ate on Sunday? My system is still not feeling right.

And then tonight, while in class, as I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is my fat stomach, my fat thighs and all the weight that I still have to lose. It doesn’t matter that I’ve lost 14 pounds. All I can see is what I have leftover.

I just want to cry.

Okay, I’m crying…

This girl is exhausted.