Archive for May, 2015

Sunday Night Blues

2

images-84It’s a sure sign that you are unhappy with your job when you dread going to work on Monday. So what does it mean when you are sitting on your couch watching your favorite TV show and the moment you see a work email pop into your inbox, you immediately want to vomit.

I’m serious. I really want to vomit right now. Then I want to curl up into the fetal position and cry. I really wish I could just quit.

I have a long list of all of the reasons why I cannot quit today, followed by another long list as to why I can, but it’s not an easy decision. Quitting without another job lined up is highly risky for me and I don’t have anyone to fall back on for help or support.

Motivating?

1

low-self-esteem_377x171_181215521Motivating?

**looks behind me**

Are you sure you’re talking to me?

I’ve been hearing a lot of those words lately from family, friends, blog readers, classmates, etc. I’m not going to lie, it’s extremely uncomfortable because I don’t see myself as motivational. I don’t see myself as brave. I don’t see myself as attractive or amazing or special in any way.

I see myself as someone who is just trying to survive, to deal with the shit cards that she has been dealt, to mend a very troubled past and to have a productive future. I see my life as one big hole and I’m at the bottom of it trying to climb out with dirt falling in all around me, trying to bury me alive.

Journaling For My Sanity

2

journalingMy official diagnosis for my depression is called Dysthymia. It is considered a chief form of depression, but it usually “has fewer or less serious symptoms than major depression but lasts longer.”

My first bout of depression went from roughly 2008 to 2010. I had a different therapist at the time and she suggested that I take a medication called Wellbutrin. I was really hesitant at first, but I figured that I would give it a try. Though it really helped me mentally, it was still a disaster physically. I was lucky enough to get the side effect of excessive sweating.

I could and would start sweating at the drop of a hat for no good reason other than the fact that I walked one block, downhill. It was mortifying. To make matters worse, it took me months to figure out what was going on. I thought I was going through early menopause (I was in my 30’s).

Squirreling Away For A Rainy Day?

1

heal-food-allergies-fb-ready-785x411Just when I thought I was done with my food issues, a few more allergies decided to sneak in. Like one day they decided they were missing out on the party of the year that I never wanted to have.

A recent blood test came up with 17 different food allergies and I am in the process of doing a food elimination, just to be sure. So far, in addition to being allergic to almonds and having a gluten and dairy intolerance, I am also allergic to soy and yeast.

Sigh, really?  I mean, really?

I have become quite the pain in the ass to have a meal with.